Horrific Tales from Maryland’s 7th District, Where “No Human Being Would Want to Live”

BALTIMORE, MD. President Donald Trump attacked Maryland Representative Elijah Cumming’s district as a “disgusting, rat and rodent infested mess” “where no human being would want to live.” As a resident of the district and as someone who works in Baltimore, I’d like to shed some light on the truth of that statement. In fact, we don’t just have rats and rodents, but the city is infested with sharks, stingrays, and even dragons.

The infestation begins in Baltimore’s Inner Harbor, where horrible dragons have taken over the water, perilously close to city dwellers. Some brave residents attempt to ride the beasts, but most try not to look at the lizards in the eye as they walk towards the nearby Baltimore Aquarium. The so-called aquarium is designed to house dangerous animals, but who knows how long the walls can contain the monsters inside.

A Baltimore National Aquarium visitor runs for her life.

Visitors stare in horror as stingrays swim in open water directly beneath their feet. Others descend down a long, dark stairwell surrounded by thick glass that barely protects them from the extremely treacherous sand tiger sharks and nurse sharks of Baltimore.

Despite pressure from special interest groups, Baltimore insists on being a place full of color and light. For more than 70 years, residents force themselves to drive through Guilford Avenue, with its myriad of brightly painted row homes, or 34th Street during Christmas time, even as it explodes with blinding lights and decorations. Truly terrifying.

Maryland’s 7th congressional district is not just Baltimore, though. The 7th district encompasses areas in Howard County, which boasts the second highest median household income in the country, as well as one of the most successful public school systems in the nation.

It’s all a façade, though. You may think you see beauty as you drive through the shops in Historic Ellicott City or as you pass the vintage Victorian homes of Catonsville (pictured below), but just know that a six-foot tall rodent might very well be around the next corner. Columbia, Maryland is also part of the vile 7th district, and even though the city has been labeled as one of the best places to live in America, take heed if you decide to take a bicycle ride around scenic Wilde Lake — rumors are that’s where the rat monsters sleep.

The hoodlums run rampant in the 7th district, and what’s worse — they are well educated hoodlums. These hoodlums come in all colors, but it is worth noting that the 7th district is the second most well-educated majority-black district in the US, with 37% of the residents having earned a bachelor’s degree or higher. The obviously criminal residents of these areas have somehow found careers in some of the finest and most well respected American institutions, including the John Hopkins Hospital & Health System, U.S. Social Security Administration, and Medicare & Medicaid Services falling within the top 10 employers in the district.

An infestation of flamingos can be seen at the Baltimore Zoo.

Setting the snark aside, Baltimore does have some troubling issues. The rat issue is not unique to the city, but it has been getting better. The district, like other parts of Maryland and the US, has seen opioid use on a disturbing rise. The murder rate in Baltimore is still far too high, and the traffic is some of the worst in the nation. Baltimore just removed a corrupt mayor. The city is wounded. Instead of using his power to help the city of Baltimore, President Trump has instead opted to pour salt in the wound, labelling all 662,000+ residents of the 7th district as less than human for wanting to live there, all to make a jab at Representative Elijah Cummings. It hurts not because of the issues being called out, but because the leader of our nation showed animosity towards the city instead of compassion, like one might expect from a sitting President. What hurts even more, though, is every single voice that agreed with Trump. We know we have rats, like every other city, but we also know that we are human. West Baltimore and the rest of Maryland’s 7th district needed a united voice against Trump’s hateful rhetoric and talk of infestations (which seem to uniquely target black and brown people). Many spoke up — but there were far too many cheers, and an even louder silence. Be brave, hon. Speak up.

#WeAreBaltimore

Mobile app developer, game programmer/designer, sometimes a writer, always a husband & father, usually a late-night gamer

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